This is me. Yep. Crooked, imperfect, scoliotic me. Sometimes I feel like a really, really ollllld soul. Or, perhaps more accurately, like an incredibly ollllld body. Ha.
Recently I've had to realize (haven't accepted it, yet) that scaling back any type of weight-bearing exercise is in the cards for me at this point. I've had a 2x4" pocket of fluid (aka bursitis) underneath my right, thickened, iliotibial band since last February, and recently was advised that surgery is recommended.
Well, that didn't sound like much fun, and Last May I'd found something wonderful in CrossFitting. I scaled back the running, thinking that may help. I concentrated on my core and I continued to CrossFit. Things were going well. Unfortunately, at some point over the summer, my other knee started to flare up and the initial injury also worsened. I think that my relapsed night owl habit may have contributed. Or, who knows, the lingering injury just finally got the best of me. ARRRRH I don't hate much, but I HATE to admit that I CAN'T do what I want to do, especially when it comes to getting my sweat on.
It seemed to appear out of nowhere, the lump. I noticed it after a workout, while in the shower and shaving my legs. Whaaaaat is that huge lump?? Truth be told, my ITB has been being abused for over 3 years, yet somehow I've managed to convince myself along the way that I haven't actually been pushing my body's limits with an injury, all this while. While running and working out, and getting really comfortable with pushing away discomforts, it became really difficult for me to discern what types of injuries needed rest, and which to ignore. as any athlete does, in order to improve.
All of my injuries (there's been achilles and calf strains, quad tendinitis, and patellar bursitis, and neck spasms requiring injections to restore range of motion, in addition to the ITB saga) ultimately stem from my horrible mechanics and movement patterns, secondary to my Scoliosis.
I have an approximate 45 degree thoracolumbar (a fancy way of saying mid and lower spine) curve, as well as a 20-something curve both above and below my main curve. Other diagnoses I'm the non-proud owner of, include: Degenerative Disc Disease, Spinal Arthritis, and Facet Arthropathy (enlarged sections of vertebrae), as well as several disc bulges, exacerbated by the spinal misalignment. None of these things are without unpredictable, physical consequence, typically in the form of pain, fatigue and muscle spasms; sometimes numbness and tingling. I live with daily, chronic lower back pain, which fluctuates in severity. I've done the childbirth thing without pain medication. Twice. Needless to say, I'm not the best gauge of pain, and knowing my limits. I do what I want to do, simply because I WANT so badly to do it.
I first developed the ITB issues while training for the Cellcom Green Bay Marathon in 2010. I couldn't walk on that leg a week before the big day, however I was sure that I could run on it. It did loosen up a few miles on each run?! To be clear, I wasn't exactly advised not to continue running.
Since 2008, when I fell madly in love with distance running, I have established a pretty regular relationship with more than one Orthopedic Sports doc, visited an Ortho Surgeon, 2 Rheumatologists, an Adult Spinal Deformities Specialist, a Physiatrist, and also baffled my share of Physical Therapists. I've done intensive Chiro and muscle stim, 3x/week for 9 months. I've had both typical and Thai massages, practiced Yoga, and stretched and utilized my foam roller like it was my full-time job. I've tried core-strengthening, maaannny times. It would be putting it mildly to say that I have exhausted as many resources as possible, in order to stay active at the level I wish to, which is training for a Half or Full Marathon each Spring and Fall, and running and doing yoga/CrossFit year-round.
Happily, I have enjoyed many, many running highs that will last me a lifetime. Several of those happened out of the road, all by my lonesome :) But, many materialized within the context of a trained-for race and with the physical and emotional presence of my husband either inside the tape right beside me, or directly on the other side, cheering me on.
Recently I've had to realize (haven't accepted it, yet) that scaling back any type of weight-bearing exercise is in the cards for me at this point. I've had a 2x4" pocket of fluid (aka bursitis) underneath my right, thickened, iliotibial band since last February, and recently was advised that surgery is recommended.
Well, that didn't sound like much fun, and Last May I'd found something wonderful in CrossFitting. I scaled back the running, thinking that may help. I concentrated on my core and I continued to CrossFit. Things were going well. Unfortunately, at some point over the summer, my other knee started to flare up and the initial injury also worsened. I think that my relapsed night owl habit may have contributed. Or, who knows, the lingering injury just finally got the best of me. ARRRRH I don't hate much, but I HATE to admit that I CAN'T do what I want to do, especially when it comes to getting my sweat on.
It seemed to appear out of nowhere, the lump. I noticed it after a workout, while in the shower and shaving my legs. Whaaaaat is that huge lump?? Truth be told, my ITB has been being abused for over 3 years, yet somehow I've managed to convince myself along the way that I haven't actually been pushing my body's limits with an injury, all this while. While running and working out, and getting really comfortable with pushing away discomforts, it became really difficult for me to discern what types of injuries needed rest, and which to ignore. as any athlete does, in order to improve.
All of my injuries (there's been achilles and calf strains, quad tendinitis, and patellar bursitis, and neck spasms requiring injections to restore range of motion, in addition to the ITB saga) ultimately stem from my horrible mechanics and movement patterns, secondary to my Scoliosis.
I have an approximate 45 degree thoracolumbar (a fancy way of saying mid and lower spine) curve, as well as a 20-something curve both above and below my main curve. Other diagnoses I'm the non-proud owner of, include: Degenerative Disc Disease, Spinal Arthritis, and Facet Arthropathy (enlarged sections of vertebrae), as well as several disc bulges, exacerbated by the spinal misalignment. None of these things are without unpredictable, physical consequence, typically in the form of pain, fatigue and muscle spasms; sometimes numbness and tingling. I live with daily, chronic lower back pain, which fluctuates in severity. I've done the childbirth thing without pain medication. Twice. Needless to say, I'm not the best gauge of pain, and knowing my limits. I do what I want to do, simply because I WANT so badly to do it.
I first developed the ITB issues while training for the Cellcom Green Bay Marathon in 2010. I couldn't walk on that leg a week before the big day, however I was sure that I could run on it. It did loosen up a few miles on each run?! To be clear, I wasn't exactly advised not to continue running.
Since 2008, when I fell madly in love with distance running, I have established a pretty regular relationship with more than one Orthopedic Sports doc, visited an Ortho Surgeon, 2 Rheumatologists, an Adult Spinal Deformities Specialist, a Physiatrist, and also baffled my share of Physical Therapists. I've done intensive Chiro and muscle stim, 3x/week for 9 months. I've had both typical and Thai massages, practiced Yoga, and stretched and utilized my foam roller like it was my full-time job. I've tried core-strengthening, maaannny times. It would be putting it mildly to say that I have exhausted as many resources as possible, in order to stay active at the level I wish to, which is training for a Half or Full Marathon each Spring and Fall, and running and doing yoga/CrossFit year-round.
Happily, I have enjoyed many, many running highs that will last me a lifetime. Several of those happened out of the road, all by my lonesome :) But, many materialized within the context of a trained-for race and with the physical and emotional presence of my husband either inside the tape right beside me, or directly on the other side, cheering me on.
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| Our first Half Mara! Fox Cities 2008 :) |
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| Our 1st Full Mara! Fox Cities 2009 As everything else near and dear to my heart... words are necessary to try and trap the moments which have shaped a very big part of who I am. Blogpost about Door County Half Marathon 2011: |
Milwaukee Lakefront Marathon: the days the stars aligned... <3 Blogpost about the sunny October day which truly ranks right up there with graduating from college, getting married, and the births of my babies!
Why am I writing about my contorted, broken self right now? It's because I am on the brink of having a little bit of self-pity, and I will tell you, THAT is NOT going to happen. Writing usually shores that threat right up for me. Lucky you, reader... ;D
I am a runner to the core. I am a busybody to the core. I am a girl who like to push myself to the edge of my limits, and then just a bit more. I like, no I LOVE to get steamy and out of breath all because of working harder than I ever have before. But, right now, I don't own that gift. It's not mine. At least, not in the same way that I'm used to. And if it's yours, please - don't let it pass you by. Don't deny yourself that right to find out who you are, who you can be. Appreciate that gift which is yours!
Sure, working out is fulfilling and valuable in all kinds of aesthetic and healthful ways. None of those reasons, however, are at the VERY top of my own personal list. Working up a good hard sweat, particularly in the way of running, for me, allowed me to become who I was, who I am. Running isn't something I do, it's part of who I am. It's difficult to explain if you aren't someone who has embraced this, however, if you are, you know EXACTLY what I mean. Discipline in sticking to a workout routine, or a training schedule keeps you disciplined in all other areas of life! I am a better mom, friend, wife, sister, money and resources manager, grocery shopper, and child of The King, when I am seeking out a goal and regularly getting a workout! Again, if this is also you, I need not say more. The best version of ourselves shines through our greatest efforts, in combination with all of the blood, sweat and tears.
Running has also just made me more of a positive person, in general! I absolutely am thrilled to pass on to our kids, all of the and advantages (physical and mental) that running gives! It's the best! Running with with them have been some of the BEST times I've been blessed to have, as their Mama! Hands down. So thankful.
Able-bodied-ness is a GIFT. A ginormous, humongous, genuine gift. Be.Thankful. When I was in Nursing School, I was ever-reminded of this truth. Seeing hospitalized patients day after day, and regularly witnessing the struggles of day to day activities for some - the very activities we healthy people can easily take for granted, gave me a unique perspective that I am so thankful for. It's a big part of the reason that I won't wallow in sadness over the idea that I can't do all that I want to, for right now. I KNOW that if I can walk and talk, that's a lot more than many others can do. True story. Sure, I'd love to say that floundering around in self-pity would help, but it wouldn't, and it isn't right. I CAN walk. I CAN do so many things that others can't. I never, ever took a WOD, a mile, a run, or a race for granted. And for that, I am truly, eternally grateful. If I am blessed to be back at it again, one day, I will be the goofiest gal out there. You'll recognize me by the incredible, unwaning, unapologetic grin on my face with each step or lift. And until then - please don't confuse my acknowledgement of my blessings - with contentment with injury. I'm still searching for a way around this. ;0)
Sure, working out is fulfilling and valuable in all kinds of aesthetic and healthful ways. None of those reasons, however, are at the VERY top of my own personal list. Working up a good hard sweat, particularly in the way of running, for me, allowed me to become who I was, who I am. Running isn't something I do, it's part of who I am. It's difficult to explain if you aren't someone who has embraced this, however, if you are, you know EXACTLY what I mean. Discipline in sticking to a workout routine, or a training schedule keeps you disciplined in all other areas of life! I am a better mom, friend, wife, sister, money and resources manager, grocery shopper, and child of The King, when I am seeking out a goal and regularly getting a workout! Again, if this is also you, I need not say more. The best version of ourselves shines through our greatest efforts, in combination with all of the blood, sweat and tears.
Running has also just made me more of a positive person, in general! I absolutely am thrilled to pass on to our kids, all of the and advantages (physical and mental) that running gives! It's the best! Running with with them have been some of the BEST times I've been blessed to have, as their Mama! Hands down. So thankful.
"I believe in redefining my impossible" - Nike
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